Does anyone else find that they think too much? For example, I over think everything about my job. I think that I’m clearly doing a bad job if I get a coaching email or a bad quality score. I’m always afraid that I’m going to get fired, even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong. And it’s not just my job I over think about. I over think my relationship status, my weight loss training, my friendships… everything! I come to the ridiculous conclusion that I’m not good enough, or that I’m clearly not trying hard enough, or that I’m being annoying if I breathe too loudly. I have become very self-aware.
I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing, however, I need to remember who created me. I have no clue who I am. In fact, I could probably only tell you basic facts about myself:
1. My favorite color is orange.
2. I’m deathly afraid of spiders and balloons.
3. I obsess over random athletes and band members like it’s my job.
4. I love to cook, write, read, and laugh.
All of these things are just the tip of the iceberg. These facts don’t represent who I am. If you’d ask me, “Lissie, who are you?” I’d probably say a writer, or a NASCAR fan, but those things don’t define me. They aren’t my identity.
Your identity can’t be found through hobbies or favorite pastimes. Your identity is what makes you, well, you! For me, the journey to discovering this starts, and ultimately finishes, in Jesus Christ. I am here today because God’s plan for my life is so much bigger than my own. If I had anything to do with it, I can almost guarantee you that I would have chose the shortcut, a metallic life changer traveling at the speed of sound through my brain. Suicide sounded like the best plan at the time. It seemed like my only way out. Untill I caught a glimpse of how much He loved me.
It came in the form of a movie, the Passion of the Christ. Watching the graphic scenes of this man Jesus being beaten and killed all so I can live was an amazing and eye opening experience. I can honestly say that it changed my life. From then on, I was always striving to bring glory to God in everything I did. But, being the wretched sinner that I am, I failed miserably.
For years (and even to this day) I struggle with this idea that I am not worth the dirt wedged in the treads of your shoes. I feel as if I can’t measure up to who I’m supposed to be. But I guess that’s the real problem.
Who am I? Yes, I’m the daughter of a King. I’m a daughter to Mark and Cathy and a sister to Blair. I’m a college dropout who loves to write and can tend on the dramatic side ( who am I kidding, I’m a diva). I’m a new runner and have dreams of running a marathon and competing in a Triathlon someday. I obsess over meeting the “blue-eyed racer” and falling madly in love. But who am I, really. How do I find out who I am? How can I become the best me there is? This is the journey I’m on, come with me?